


Whatever it takes

by bioplast_hero



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: After Season 8, Angst and Feels, BDSM, Canon divergence only re imagined futures from final episode, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith is kinda innocent still, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Romantic Fluff, Shiro is a Sadist, Shiro is my hero, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 23:07:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17414270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioplast_hero/pseuds/bioplast_hero
Summary: On a visit years after the Voltron war, Shiro finally decides to confess his feelings but Keith makes the first move. They wake up feeling mixed up about what exactly happened between them. Where do they go from here?(Or, why you should always actually talk — and definitely be sober — before you fall into bed with your best friend, about whom you've been secretly harboring the wildest crush for, I dunno, a decade. Especially when your best friend is kinky af and you're in way over your head.)cw: really harsh self-talk, rough sex.Misunderstanding and angst with a happy ending, I promise.





	Whatever it takes

+++

Keith found himself surprised that they’d emptied the bottle already. He sat with Shiro on his porch looking out at the field of stars. He wondered about getting another bottle but thought better of it. He’d had quite enough to drink.

Keith just wasn’t ready for this quiet moment to end. He tried to prepare himself for everything to change.

They’d rambled home from the pub in town, after hours of toasting and trading memories. Most made them laugh or made them feel proud, though some memories never failed to break their hearts. Now they’d emptied the bottle of Bourbon that Shiro had brought from Earth. He’d crossed galaxies to visit Keith in the colony where he’d been living these couple of years since the war. Though very far from Earth, this new life living on the land felt to Keith like a home he thought he’d never find his way back to. Especially so now that Shiro was here, too.

Shiro felt Keith’s love for this place. It was different for Shiro; to him, it was always Keith who felt like home.

Shiro had seen Keith check the bottle out of the side of his eye. He felt as though a door could close on them any time, and wondered sadly how he could hold them in this moment and never let go.

“Shiro.” The tone in his voice was peculiar; Keith must have made up his mind about something.

“Mm?”

“I’m going in. Do you need anything before bed?”

 _You_ , he thought. _I need you_. Shiro shook his head, not knowing what else he could say.

Keith walked inside without another word.

Shiro slumped back until his head rested on a post. He opened his eyes again and began memorizing these stars.

+

When Shiro stepped inside he found his way to the washroom in the dark, rinsing his face and running his wet fingers through his hair. He pulled his shirt off over his head and looked at himself in the mirror. He was drunk and unfocused, but all his thoughts slipped back to the hard knot of desire in his belly.

He would get like this sometimes, especially late at night. He wanted a lover he could bend to his will.

He used to love to hold Adam down, feel the man’s trust in his palm like a trembling bird, and squeeze. He would caress the back of his neck with his lips, kissing a line to his shoulder, and then sink his teeth deeply into the muscles there. He would not harm him, no, but oh he wanted to hurt him. Their love was complicated, brutal and sweet. Though it ended before he’d even left for Kerberos, Shiro still missed the pained rush of air between his lover's lips, his rapt attention, his abject submission.

Shiro thought he’d seen something like that in Keith’s eyes, many times over the years. An aching understanding, desire despite his innocence. Shiro had always denied it. Keith had called him his brother, after all. Even if he would have said yes, Shiro couldn't allow it. Keith deserved a kind, giving lover of his own age.

But even when nothing happened between them, Shiro saw that look. Beckoning. They hadn’t seen each other much since Voltron was no longer needed, but Shiro saw that same look tonight as Keith’s eyes swam with starlight. All that was defiant in Keith stood right there, ready to be released.

Shiro feared he couldn’t fight it anymore—least of all like this, intoxicated with lust and whiskey, blood pounding in his ears. He closed his eyes and felt grateful that Keith had walked away for the night.

But in the light of morning, Shiro realized he had no wish to suppress his desire anymore.

Keith was a man now, after all. He’d been with men before; he’d been with Hunk, had in those years even asked for bedroom advice, and he had surely been with others in the years since. He wasn’t so innocent as he once was. And if Keith still looked at him that way, who was Shiro to deny what they could be together. Keith could decide for himself.

 _I’ve got to tell him_ , Shiro decided. _First thing in the morning. I’ll get up early, make some coffee and breakfast for us. I’ll tell him the moment I see him. Keith. I’m sorry that I never told you how I feel. I love you. I want you. And I want to be here with you, for as long as you’ll have me._

Shiro felt brave for a moment. It was time.

+

Stepping out of the washroom in the dark, he tried to focus his eyes on the cushion in the family room where Keith planned to sleep. He just wanted to see him there for a moment, to feel his heart swell at the sight of him, before retiring alone to Keith’s bedroom for the night.

As his eyes adjusted he saw the mattress was empty.

“Keith?” He said softly.

He heard someone move in the bedroom down the hall. We walked toward the sound.

Stepping through the sliding door, he turned to see Keith standing naked with his back to him, silhouetted in the moonlight. He stood leaning at the hip against the half screen of a large window that was open to the garden, his hands resting on the sill. The breeze rustled his dark hair, which fell unbraided down his back.

“Keith...” Shiro’s voice held a question he didn’t ask. He felt the heat of his pulse in his throat as he stepped closer.

But Keith didn’t reply; he kept staring out the window at the surrounding treeline. As Shiro’s body drew near, Keith seemed for a moment to tremble like a leaf. But when Shiro reached out to touch his left shoulder, he was radiating heat. The sound of his breathing was shallow and fast.

Shiro moved on instinct. He pressed the length of his body into Keith’s, his broad chest sliding against the younger man’s back. Keith’s back arched in pleasure, his head tipped back, his breath racing.

Shiro swooned, immediately overstimulated. It’d been so long. He’d wanted this so much. Shiro reached his left hand around to grasp Keith’s torso and rocked his hips slowly at the cleft of Keith’s ass. Keith responded again by pinning Shiro’s hand with his own, his nails biting ever so slightly. Open-mouthed, his head slipped further back until it rested against Shiro’s shoulder, exposing the length of his neck.

Shiro kissed there, just behind his ear. They’d never kissed before. Keith moaned so softly he almost couldn’t hear it, making Shiro’s mouth water. He trailed his lips and the tip of his tongue down the length of Keith’s neck to the shoulder, leaving hot, wet kisses there. Keith pressed back into his body needily but didn’t make a sound.

Shiro wanted to hear him. He dragged his teeth against Keith’s skin toward the point of his shoulder, firm but not harsh, angled to feel sharp. His efforts were rewarded with a sharp sucking sound. He dragged his teeth back the other way as he leaned into Keith’s body, this time drawing a short, high moan from him as he exhaled.

 _Moan for me_ , Shiro thought. Through a haze of lust, a plan started to unfold.

Shiro opened his mouth and sank his teeth into the meat of his shoulder near the neck. Gently at first, then more and more as he felt Keith buck his hips and gasp softly into the night air. Shiro’s vision tinted red and he bit him again. Before long Keith was moaning with every marking bite, his heart racing under Shiro’s palm.

He used his mech arm to steady Keith around the waist and took a deep bite behind Keith’s shoulder blade. He winced and then when it didn’t stop he whimpered softly, stopping Shiro in his tracks. He had always loved when Adam made that sound; but Keith was so proud, Shiro simply never expected to hear him sound so vulnerable. He questioned whether he was taking this too far, even though Keith bucked his hips against him again. Shiro tried to hold him still with his hands. _We should talk about this_ , he thought. _I need to be sure_.

Keith’s nails dug into the back of Shiro’s human hand. “Don’t stop. Please! Don’t stop.” His voice was shaking.

Shiro growled, restraint falling away. He scraped his nails down Keith’s torso making him spasm with pleasure, and raised his mech hand gently to hold his upper chest, cupping Keith’s throat. He didn’t squeeze, but Keith’s body thrilled at the threat of it as he softly arched back.

Shiro worked his way down with his teeth, marking his full back, his tender sides over and below his ribs, at the backs of his thighs, and the firm curve of his ass. His soft whimpers and loader moans were incessant now. Shiro kept marking him even as he began stroking Keith’s cock slowly and skillfully from behind. Keith called out helplessly.

“Ah! Mngh- ah!”

This went on and on, bruising teeth marks studding a rising wave of pleasure in the pit of Keith’s stomach.

Shiro stroked more forcefully, high on the taste of Keith’s sweat and the pained moans he wrung out of him. As Shiro pressed Keith’s head back by the grip at his throat, he bit down hard on his left thigh. Keith cried out in pain just before the wave finally broke.

“Ah- ah! AH!” he panted. “AH—”

He came forcefully in Shiro’s grasp, spilling on the floor.

Shiro felt him start to collapse and moved quickly to catch his weight. He carried Keith to the bed in one arm, peeling back the covers with his free-floating hand. He settled Keith into the pillows, his body weak, his eyes fluttering open and closed, framed by dark hair damp with sweat.

Shiro touched his face as their eyes met softly. Keith just barely smiled, filling Shiro with warmth. By the time Shiro’s lips met Keith’s in a gentle kiss, Keith was already asleep.

“Goodnight, my love,” he said quietly, and he kissed him again.

He peeled off his pants and felt himself still hard inside his underwear. Hard, but unimaginably satisfied. He crawled into bed from the far side, leaving Keith some space. He watched Keith breathe for a long time before he drifted to sleep himself.

+

Keith woke before first light to see Shiro sleeping soundly beside him. His heart raced, remembering the night they’d shared. _Shiro, here, with me_.

He wanted so much to kiss Shiro’s face, to steal a moment of tenderness with him in those moments before dawn. But he was sure that would wake him, and he wasn’t ready.

Keith needed time to think.

He slipped out of bed and crept to the washroom. He bathed quickly and plaited his hair. Emerging fully dressed, he glimpsed Shiro still sleeping down the hall, and slipped away out the door.

Keith didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to walk. As the wind hit his face he felt as though he was on fire.

Had he seduced his friend? Had they seduced each other? Keith thought about the moment that he decided to walk to the bedroom, stripping off his clothes to wait for Shiro there. Standing there exposed, like an offering. Even Shiro might finally prove himself human. Just a man.

It’s not that Keith didn’t love Shiro—oh, he did. And he believed that Shiro loved him too, in his brotherly way. But where Keith felt passion, Shiro returned brotherly affection. It was beautiful, for a long time it had been everything to him. It was all that Keith had, and it wasn’t enough.

And when Shiro’s guard was down, when they both had that hungry look in their eyes, Keith knew what he could do to get Shiro to touch him like a man.

Was that why he’d kept his back to him? Instinct. Maybe Shiro could just see him as a man, any man he needed him to be, and let his body respond to Keith’s body.

He could let Shiro pretend.

He cherished the memory of it, even as his heart ached. The way Shiro reached for him, held him close, pressed his hardness against his backside. The way he kissed his neck so sweetly. But then… what was that, all that had happened between them? Feeling the edge of his teeth. Starting to bite. It shocked him. How good it felt. How much it hurt. How being hurt made him feel.

Even now, Keith’s stomach churned. He was confused, a little shaken, unsure how to feel. It had felt so tender, and in the morning light he couldn't explain how.

It was passion, wasn’t it? Everything they’d shared, it felt so real, so right in that moment. Intimate, beautiful, almost sacred. And yet, why would Shiro want to hurt him?

He had to have known what he was doing. The efficient brutality of his teeth, bringing him just to his breaking point, forcing him to cry out, and then finding some new tender flesh to tear into. 

What was it supposed to mean?

Shiro had meant to hurt him. He had enjoyed doing it. It didn't make sense... maybe it wasn't what he thought at all.

 _Shiro_. Shiro who had always looked out for him, always believed in him, always seen his potential. Shiro who knew him better than anyone. He couldn’t believe Shiro didn’t care deeply for him.

And yet, the doubt was there, and it grew. When in doubt, Keith had always assumed the worst. It felt safer that way, somehow. 

Shiro hadn’t even kissed his lips. He bit him, hurt him, and jerked him off onto the floor.

Keith’s face burned with shame.

_What he must think of me, throwing myself at him like that. I got exactly what I deserved._

_And worse, I liked it. Damn me, it felt like love._

When it was over, Shiro laid him in bed. Keith remembered smiling but Shiro looked sad. That was all Keith remembered.

 _What have I done_ , Keith thought.

Keith stormed down the trail, wondering what he could ever do to recover their friendship from this mess. What could he say? Play it down, say it was a mistake. Apologize for letting things get weird when they were drunk.

 _No. No, no, no…_ if he said that, the door would close forever. It was the last thing he wanted, the worst part of this whole mess. He wanted to be with Shiro, wanted it so desperately. If there was anything he could hang on to, he would. Even if it was just this, just... messing around. The last thing he could accept was a reality in which he never felt Shiro’s touch again.

Shiro responded to him, desired him in a way, that much was clear. Not in the way Keith dreamed, but it was something. A foothold.

Keith's thoughts raced. 

 _I can’t let him corner me to talk today. He’ll tell me he’s sorry, that we shouldn’t have, and I can’t bear it. But maybe, just maybe, we can keep things kind of... casual?_  Keith's heart sank at the word. It wasn't right, it wasn't how he felt, but it was the only thing that had worked so far.

_If I come to him again tonight, he’ll touch me again. I know he will._

_And if it happens again and again, he'll see that it's okay. That the world won't end if he lets me in. He might let me stay._

 

+

Keith came home a couple hours later to find Shiro in the kitchen, washing dishes after what Keith assumed to be breakfast.

“Hey,” Keith said, keeping his voice neutral. _Just like I practiced._

Shiro’s face was neutral, too. Closed.

“Keith, uh, where were you? I’d thought you’d be… here… when we woke up.”

“Sorry, I- I woke up kind of early and had to take care of some things. I figured you’d understand.”

“Okay. Uh, sure. Of course.”

“It looks like you’ve eaten?”

“I had a bite. I saved you some—”

“—That’s okay, I had a bite in town.”

Shiro looked like he was about to say something and then thought better of it, shaking his head and looking at the floor. Keith wanted so badly to close that distance and touch him and bit his lip almost as though it would help him hold his ground. 

Shiro glanced up through his eyelashes, speaking cautiously.

“Keith, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I feel great.”

“Are… we okay?”

“Absolutely,” Keith answered a bit too quickly and realized it immediately. _Damn_. He slowed down and looked Shiro over, hardening his face. "You're worrying."

“Are you surprised? Keith, I—”

Keith cut him short with a mildly chastising look. “Shiro, stop, okay? Nothing has to change, you know. We’re both adults.”

“I didn’t mean…” Shiro swallowed his words. He shook his head, trying again. “I just want to be sure I didn’t… take things too far.”

Keith smirked, feeling more in control now. “I can take what you can dish, Shiro.”

Shiro swallowed again, his throat too dry. “Right. Okay.”

“I’ve got a couple of things set up for today, places I wanted to show you, some people to meet. We should get going soon. Do you need to get ready?”

“Uh, yeah. Maybe ten minutes.”

Keith was already headed for the door. “Okay, I’ll meet you out back,” and he was gone.

+

Shiro had never felt so befuddled in all his life.

He knew something had to be wrong; he had felt it since he woke up alone with Keith gone without a trace. He waited hours for him to wander back, the tender feelings Shiro woke up with backsliding into anxiety and frustration.

Then Keith walked in and talked circles around him! His head was pounding a little bit, truth be told, but the after effects of the bourbon were nothing compared to the confusion he felt at how Keith was behaving. It didn't make any fucking sense. He couldn’t clear his mind enough to find the words that he needed to make Keith slow down and open up to him. Worse, he felt outmaneuvered, but he couldn't put his finger on why.

He paced distractedly to the washroom and brushed his teeth. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and steadied himself against the counter, feeling the mounting panic.

Shiro was afraid. He could hardly admit it to himself, but it was the truth. Something had clicked into place last night, the pieces settling like they’d been made to fit. He’d spent years wondering and still never came close to imagining what it could be like for real—to _touch_ Keith, to _possess_ him... to _love_ him.

Feeling it come apart again made him utterly sick.

To Shiro, everything that happened last night felt like love. He had taken for granted that Keith had felt the same. _Don’t stop_ , he’d said. Was it… just sex?

Any other time, any other topic, Shiro felt like he would have known what he needed to say to get through to Keith, to let him know he was here for him no matter what, that he believed in him, that he wanted the best for him.

But what if Keith didn’t want any of that at all?

_Nothing has to change._

But Shiro wanted everything to change.

+

Keith was not kidding: their itinerary was non-stop. Shiro tried to set his feelings aside, but in truth, he was in turmoil. And more and more, he sensed that Keith’s carefully practiced neutral tone disguised anger and hurt of his own.

Something was very, very wrong. But varga after varga, they had no chance to talk. Least of all about private, delicate things. Keith seemed to make sure of that. 

Finally heading out of town in the direction of the orchards near Keith’s home, Shiro imagined walking alongside Keith, catching his breath, and saying all those things that needed to be said. He would do anything to make Keith understand. Even if Keith didn't want the same, he deserved to know.

But Keith was pressing on ahead of him down the trail. Shiro could hardly match his pace despite his longer stride.

“Keith," Shiro called after him, "hell, can we slow down a little bit? My head is spinning.”

Keith pulled up short, and Shiro immediately regretted his tone.

“Oh, um, of course, Shiro. Sorry,” he said carefully, walking more slowly.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Shiro said softly, catching up and looking at him with concern. “Thank you.”

Keith seemed to grimace, avoiding his eyes. “I just thought you’d want to see as much of the settlement as you could.”

“I came to see _you_ , Keith.”

“What of _me_ have you not seen?” Keith’s tongue was sharp; Shiro felt as if he’d been slapped.

Hurt sparked into anger.

“Keith, what the hell is this about?”

“It’s nothing. Forget about it, okay,” Keith shrugged, belying the fact that he was already making himself small, like he would rather play dead than have this conversation.

“God damn it, Keith,” Shiro cursed breathily; his voice was too quiet and felt for all the world like shouting. “If you have something to say to me, you say it. I’m not playing games with you. In fact, I will apologize right now! I wanted you,” Shiro spat, “it's true, and I thought you wanted me. If I took things too far—”

“—Blame me, okay? Blame me. It’s my fault. Yes- I want you. So goddamn much it hurts.” Keith’s eyes stung.

Shiro rocked back on his heels, stopped dead in his tracks, his heart hammering in his chest. _Is that true?_ he thought, stunned. Here he was cursing Keith’s name, when all he wanted to do was fold him into his arms and never let go.

Keith had whirled on him, a few steps further down the trail. “I threw myself at you,” he shouted, “it's my fault, and I don’t regret it! To hell if I know what it meant to you, but it was everything to me. But the last thing I can handle right now is hearing that it was all a mistake. Because _I_ don't think it was. Don’t you dare say that to me.”

Shiro felt understanding crashing over him and it took his breath away. All of his practiced nonchalance, the distractions of the day, his prickly comments—it was armor. Keith was terrified. Somehow, he thought it was Shiro who didn't care. 

By the time Shiro found his words, Keith had turned on his heels and was sprinting away.

“No! Keith!”

Shiro took off after him. He was a good runner even now, but he’d never stood a chance against Keith. What he wouldn’t give for a speeder right now.

“Keith, wait! Please! Dammit please, listen to me!”

Keith barreled on towards home, leaving him in the dust.

Shiro slowed to a stop and bent at the waist, resting on his knees. He panted and swore. He was angry, but mostly at himself.

More than anything, he was heartbroken. How had he messed this up so badly? Keith was everything to him. He had to fix this. He hoped desperately that he could.

He walked toward Keith’s home alone in the gathering dark.

+

Shiro could see from the outside that the house was dark, except for the dim lamp in Keith’s bedroom. He took a deep breath.

Upset as Keith was when he ran off, Shiro knew somehow that he’d double down. Keith didn’t want to talk; he wanted to feel and to forget.

Shiro braced himself.

Inside, Shiro walked through dark rooms toward the bedroom. There he found Keith naked, kneeling on the bed, the lamplight highlighting the planes of his chest and stomach, and all of his hard, wiry body. The look on his face was hard, determined, masking pain he fought to ignore. He’d freshly plaited his hair and draped it over his shoulder tied with a wide red ribbon.

 _Like a gift_ , Shiro thought with a shiver.

Shiro set his jaw and walked toward him, trying to catch Keith’s eyes though he kept looking down.

“Keith. Talk to me,” Shiro purred softly.

Keith looked up at him, smoldering and vulnerable. Shiro’s breath caught in his throat. He stepped right to the edge of the bed. Keith reached for him and for a moment Shiro expected something tender, an embrace, an opening to find their footing again. _We’ll fix this_ , Shiro thought.

Instead, Keith pulled at Shiro’s shirt, trying quickly to undress him. Shiro startled, brushing his hands away as gently as he could while still being firm. “Don’t do this. I need to talk to you.”

Keith’s eyes looked devastated. He reached for him again, but Shiro caught his wrists firmly. “Keith, please—”

“—Don’t refuse me, Shiro,” he gasped, his voice raw with emotion.

Shiro lips formed a silent O.

Keith held his breath, silently begging for Shiro to give in, just once more. _Please don’t turn me away._

“No- I won’t. Never again.” Shiro’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I want you, Keith. More than you know,” the rasp in his voice sent chills across Keith’s skin. “Only, I want more.”

Keith felt time stand still. He wouldn’t look away for the world. He watched as a slow, hopeful smile transformed Shiro’s features. He looked like a younger man.

“I want to hold you,” Shiro said gently. “and kiss you until you fall asleep in my arms. I want to brush your hair out of your eyes in the morning light,” his eyes shimmered. “I want to make you breakfast. I want to walk with you to town. Hold your hand on the train. I want to kiss you in the park.”

Keith tried to breathe and couldn’t get enough air. He gulped helplessly, his eyes wet.

“I want to kiss you, open-mouthed, in the pouring rain.”

Keith felt the first tear fall. Still, he didn’t look away.

Shiro raised his left hand and stroked Keith’s jawline slowly until his fingers twisted in Keith’s hair at the nape of his neck. Keith steadied himself against Shiro’s touch.

“I want to bring you home to- to our home,” he swallowed, “strip your clothes off by the fire, and kiss the whole length of your beautiful body. I want to make you moan. To show you pleasure again and again.”

He closed the gap between them, pressing the length of his body against Keith’s, resting their foreheads together. His grip tightened.

“I- I want to take you,” Shiro’s voice vibrated with need. “I want to hurt you. I won’t deny it- it’s part of who I am. I think I’ve always seen that in you, too. That you would let me. Like you did last night.”

Keith trembled. It was true, what he said. His desire felt bottomless. There was no telling what he wouldn’t do if Shiro asked it of him.

“I want to sink my teeth into your back again and hear you gasp, bite down until you cry out. Like you did last night. I want you on your knees with my cock deep in your throat,” his hand tightening into a fist in Keith’s hair. Keith gasped softly, melting into Shiro’s body.

Shiro traced his fingertip in a line down Keith’s spine to the cleft of his ass. “I feel you opening to me even now. It’s intoxicating,” he nuzzled his cheek with his chin. “I want to see how far you’ll let me go.”

He pulled back to find Keith’s eyes, which were cast down.

“I feel your trust, Keith. I will never take that for granted. Only in return, please... Please let me love you.”

Shiro’s cool metal fingers tilted Keith’s chin until their eyes met.

“Let me into your life. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Keith swallowed. He could see it all, a life with Shiro by his side. A string of little, insignificant moments stretching out toward the horizon in a dotted line, like so many stars. He’d caught himself many times wishing for moments together like these. He never dared grab hold of them.

Until now.

This was what Shiro was asking of him. And so Keith grabbed on, his hands floating up to cup Shiro’s face while his heart clung to this delicate thing the glowed like a star between their chests.

He needed so badly for it to stay that he was scared to breathe. And then he heard Shiro breathe, softening into him, and he exhaled. The moment lasted. He breathed again. Shiro was still here. This tender thing still glowed between them.

It was real. It was theirs. He had no choice but to trust it.

+++

**Author's Note:**

> I thrive on comments! Please let me know what you thought. ^_^


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